My Well-being for a $200 Ethan Allen Couch

So I bought a couch.

Before I had an apartment.

With money I didn’t have.

Because I liked it.

Normally, I wouldn’t resort to such irrational acts of shopping, but after being in New York for more than 2 weeks at that time and not having anything (and I mean, anything) go as planned, you bet your gosh darn relaxed mind I was going to make an impulsive decision.

So I did.

PROBLEM NO. 1 -
I was in the middle of applying for the studio I live in now (and yes, that means that things do get better eventually), so I had an idea of the place and took the leap of faith that I would have it soon enough that I could, in fact, buy this couch. Basically, I bought a couch with no place to put it.

No problem, I thought. I’ll ask Housing Works to hold it.

And they did.

But their policy only allows to hold things for two days. I bought the couch on Thursday. I thought I’d be in my place by Sunday. Oh, what to do for that one day?

Housing Works suggested I … get a mover to hold it! Perfect. I’ll call them.

So I did.

PROBLEM NO. 2 -
Movers are so expensive here. And frankly, I am still in denial that I need them. Had I been in LA (i.e. home), I would have taken my car or a friend’s truck and picked it up. Instead, here in the city, I have to pay a mover $200+ to take my couch from 77th and 3rd to 108th and Broadway. Roughly, a 3-mile journey. So sad, right?

I had to suck it up and call. Calling around made me more distressed. Not only would they charge me $200+ to move the couch, they’d charge extra to hold it. Ay caramba, NY, I’m not made of money! I’m a journalist, for goodness’ sake.

Then, lucky me! I find this man whose brother moves stuff for cheap… for college students. Great! I call and he will gladly move my couch from 77th and 3rd to 108th and Broadway.

PROBLEM NO. 3 -
He can move it on Monday. He’s booked on Sunday. Fine, fine. I decided to call Housing Works. My well-being is less valuable than a $200 Ethan Allen couch anyway.

So I did.

I begged Housing Works for one more precious day that would help this poor Los Angeleno girl lost in the city.

Fail.

I call back David, the mover, and let it all out on him. The stress, the tears, the school, the poverty I am ensuing for having bought this couch, etc. etc. etc.

He said.. HE’D DO IT! David would pick it up on Sunday and drop it off Monday for the humble fee of $150. Holla at yo girl!

PROBLEM NO. 4 -
David can’t drop it off Monday because his wife is sick.

I have class every other day. So we decided that on Wednesday, during my break from class, I’ll run down the short 8 blocks and meet him for delivery. Finally, a problem easily resolved.

PROBLEM NO. 5 -
“This isn’t going to fit in the elevator.”

They carried the 3-seater massive couch up to the 4th floor. David and his friend.

“Is this one of the hardest couches you’ve moved?” I asked.
“No, no,” David said.
“It’s the hardest one we’ve moved,” his friend said.

Great, don’t I feel like the user. Wait, no. I’m paying them.

You think that’s the end?

PROBLEM NO. 6 -
“Did you measure this couch before you bought it?” David’s friend asks as he looks at my small door while holding my couch.

I swear that couch grew! Or my door shrunk! AH!

Roughly 45 minutes later… The couch was in by means of angles I didn’t know existed. Threats were made that they would take off my door without the super’s approval or that they would have to leave. LEAVE!?!? Yeah, leave. But it made it in. On Wednesday. I bought it on Thursday.

It took some begging. Ok, a lot. But it took begging, embarrassment, sweat, and a lot of money, but that couch is what I am leaning on now to write this. And boy, do I feel accomplished.

LESSON NO. 1 -
Measure before you buy.

LESSON NO. 2 -
If you’re homeless, don’t buy furniture.

Apartmentally Challenged – Day [I forgot]

My last post said:

NOTE: If something is too good to be true… remember that.

Let me emphasize that. If something is too good to be true… remember that!

I read this listing online about a one-bedroom in a shared two-bedroom apartment. Some details were as follows:

$1275
All utilities included
Fully furnished (bed, nightstand, desk, dresser, TV stand)
TV included
Internet
A/C
Mini-refrigerator in the room
Private full bathroom
Large kitchen with dishwasher/microwave/refrigerator/stove
Doorman building
12th floor with views of the Hudson and Midtown (corner room)

I mean, what more could you want?!

Less stuff and… a younger roommate.

You see, Irene, the owner of the apartment and current resident of room #2, is in her late 70s/early 80s. Sweet woman, odd choice of roommate. And, she’s a hoarder of newspapers, books, and magazines. If I remember correctly, she also collects plastic bags in the kitchen. I mean, what happens when I wanna go to the movies or watch Real Housewives? Or rather, when I want to sit in the living room but it’s covered in paper as far as the eye can see!

Because of her age, what happens when if I’m not there?! Am I responsible for her well-being?? This wasn’t a hospice, right!?

She ended up finding a 50-year-old woman who was also interested in the place. My competition!

But you know, since I’m such a nice person, I let the older woman win.

Apartmentally Challenged – Day Six

I’m skipping some days of stories because so much happened, I can’t talk about it all. But boy, oh boy was this an interesting one.

NOTE: If something is too good to be true… remember that.

There was a listing on Craig’s List for a one-bedroom in a shared apartment with (I think) 2 other girls. It was super cheap at $950. Great location! West 95th street, so it was right by the subway stop. The apartment had a large kitchen listed AND… ALL UTILITIES were included.

I’m there!

Rather, Asim and I went over after calling up the girl.

There was another girl who was taking a look at it before me. Popular place! It was a very old, dingy looking building from the inside. Dark, broken elevator. Straight out of a movie (or Cairo, for that matter). The apartment was very Cairo-esque too. Long hallways, high ceilings, narrow walkways.

Guess what? The owner, Liz, was from the OC. Cali, holla!

The bedroom was spacious, furnished, it was good. Not totally clean, but whateva leatha, you know? Now, as Asim and I were in the kitchen, Liz got a phone call. Another interested viewer.

I step out and look into the bathroom while Asim stands outside behind… facing a girl sitting in her room opposite the bathroom. She gestures to him. I don’t see it.

I turn around and this girl shaking her head, signaling cutting off her neck and saying very emphatically what might be “Don’t live here.”

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

We quickly say thank you and leave. Was that girl trapped?? Scared?? Who is LIZ anyway?? Is she crazy? Mean?? A GHOST!?

When Asim and I go downstairs and outside, the girl who was looking at the place before us came up to us.

“Did you guys see that girl in the room?”

Straight out of a movie.

Thursday’s Random

3pm
So today was a slow day. I’m talking like tortoise takes a nap and loses the race kind of slow.

I made my way to the Columbia bookstore around 3:30 because, well, I could. And yes, that means I did nothing before that.

Sometimes I really do wonder if people consciously put on the clothes/accessories they do. No mirror? And it concerns me that they actually might!

Anyway, I need a bag for school. I wanted this backpack from this store that was closing shop but the lowest clearance price they would go was $55. Come on… So now I’m off to Columbia where any bag will probably be at least that much but with a crown. Is the crown worth it?

Most definitely.

Apartment! If you’ve been following, you know I still need one. Well… I’ll be officially living…

I don’t know where just quite yet, but I’ll talk about it when it happens.

So I strolled to Columbia today. What a stroll it was. I’ve never really knowingly strolled before. And you know what I realized? That sometimes, many times, you really get what you want. I got Columbia. The Stones are probably still right though, so don’t get your hopes up too high! Haha.

I bought some artisanal bread pizza from the farmer’s marker at Columbia. Cold. But I just realized while sitting in Strauss Park at the corner of Broadway of 107th, that there’s no microwave at the apt I’m staying at.

I also made my first purchase at

Columbia (as a student), if you don’t count the >50k tuition I’ve already given. A planner. And it’s pink. With gold. How royal, right? And you thought the crown wasn’t worth it?

By the way, the backpacks with crowns should be arriving soon.

There’s a man sitting next to me. Probably 80+, near death from the sound of his deep, incessant cough. And what is he doing but smoking a cigar.
4:30pm

Apartmentally Challenged – Day Two

Many little girls have the dream of being a Disney princess one day.
Well, they’re in for a rude awakening!

I saw a 1-bedroom duplex yesterday. Basically, it’s a 2-story 1-bedroom situation. When I saw the listing, I was excited! Finally, a 1-bedroom unit that could accommodate two people! I mean, it’s two stories, right?

Well… little did I know.

The one, actual bedroom was cute. Very small, but that’s New York, so it was perfect.

The living room was really nice. Brick, a fireplace that no longer functions, and a long window for light.

The kitchen was meh.

The bathroom was recently renovated, so it was really nice. And then I saw this ladder leaning against the bathroom door…

From the bottom, I saw that it led to what appeared to be an area above the kitchen and bathroom that was decent in space (relative to NY), but seemed a little, shall we say, low?

“Oh, someone can totally sleep up there and use that as a room,” my broker said.

When I climbed up, it was about 3.5-4 feet high! What the hay!?

A “Cinderella cubby” as a friend described it. I don’t know who would volunteer to live up in a cubby that could probably fit a slim, twin-sized bed and a human body before making very serious interaction with the ceiling. And with open views of the living room, anyone visiting would know the little maid girl sleeps up there. Umm… no thank you, Disney.

The hunt continues at noon today.